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Thursday, 20 March 2008

Illa Milla

I was ill and feeling wretched and so was Lolly. We felt sorry for ourselves but deserved no pity.
Lolly, because her sickness was down to a lusty session with a rabbit, fur and claws and all with a side order of horse poo; me, because I had to have consumed half my body weight in wine.
Plus, I’m deeply unsympathetic towards illness such as this, I have no truck with it, I am harsh and unforgiving. It is boring and self-indulgent, and I don’t like being bored and I don't indulge. Not when there are real people out there with real things wrong with them. So now that it was my turn, and self-induced, I deserved no more than being ignored, despised slightly, maybe. But shown no favour or concern. A maelstrom of crossness and misery was I.

I was so bad that I had to go to bed, shaking, sobbing, throwing up. I never do that. Ever. Indeed, I’m horrid and superior about lightweights that take to their bed by day. Added to which was the self-loathing and high embarrassment factor. Cringing at my own inability to grow up, lamenting the loss of my liver, promising any bored God who might lend an ear that Never Ever Again etc.
I went all day without turning on the computer: this just does not happen in a well-ordered universe.

At some stage I staggered into the kitchen, which I hadn’t been able to focus on at breakfast, to assess the full horror of the trashed pub scene which would correspond with the way I felt. But lo, what odd sight is this, but a perfectly tidy and respectable-looking room bearing no Bacchanalian scars, no signs of dancing on tables or smashed glass. All clean and polished and thoroughly grown up. Just 3 neat empty bottles lined up ready for recycling. There had been 5 of us drinking so 3 is no shocking tally. Almost admirable, indeed, taken over several hours.

I went to collect T11 from a rugby tournament which had coincided, by some strange serendipity, with the nicest day of the year so far, a mile from the Arctic conditions promised for this weekend.
And bumped into M who had been with me the night before. She looked evil, pale and spacey, clammy and leprous. My twin.
"Where you alright today?" she said.
"No," I said, and nearly cried.
She had been sick. In the car. Had sobbed as she cleared it up. Had gone to bed, and been sick some more. We sort of nodded heads in agreement with each other, not too much, it would have hurt. M is a person who is certain about things, very high-achieving, so I listen to what she says. She is always right.
“It was a bad bottle of wine,” she said.
“Not too much wine?” I said.
“Oh, no,” she said, surprised, “we weren’t drunk at all.”
“You’ve got that bug that’s going round,” someone else remarked. Some fit, hale, hearty person with rosy cheeks, who segued then into a robust and unnecessary chat about her weekend. M and I needed something to clutch. Hunched we stood, as the presentation went on and on and on, the requirement to clap being almost more than I could manage.
Then M2 staggered over. “Fragile” was the word she used. We all wore sunglasses. I always do (think F9, think Lolly: disguise is necessary) but M and M2 don’t.

The relief was huge; to be able to blame a proper bug and not just assume the worst of my own behaviour was a new position to be in. I tend to absorb blame. There had been a note home from school about it which I had tossed in the bin, but a note home from school suddenly seemed something very important. It pointed to the validation of a legitimate illness, and not just vile self-damage and how nicely smug is that.

Am still cold and shivery now and feeling a bit dull. Starvation-induced dizziness. I have even cancelled a night out tonight which I was looking forward to, thinking: what’s nicer than a date with the rug on the sofa in front of crap telly. I plan to be in my jim-jams by eight and can barely wait.
Normal service will be resumed. I hope.

37 comments:

WesterWitch/Headmistress said...

Berlimey . . . actually I have to admit it does sound very much like a bug . . .you would have to have been roaring drunk to feel so bad the next day - so drunk that all the vomiting would have been done the night before. BUT of course it could be the booze . . . which isn't fair cos you won't know for sure whether you are actually due any sympathy or not . . .My advice - hide the bottles, indulge and lie if you have to . . . just this once.

Now tuck your berludy vest in . . .sigh . . .

Milla said...

Yes, it does have to be recorded, that I felt fine the night before, and just assumed next day that it had to be the evening before (getting a bit lost in my time here), but with my chums ill too it all started looking distinctly un-hangovery. Partic as don't get hangovers.

LittleBrownDog said...

Obviously a bug, Milla - either that or as your friend suggested, a bad bottle of wine. Three between five is not a lot of wine and, in my experience if there were any men present, they would have drunk the lion's share as, in my experience, they always do. So you can't have drunk more than half a bottle which, in my book, is positively abstemious (see - a lush as well as a tart!)

The only thing to do is rest, lap up the sympathy and drink plenty of water. Hope you're feeling better very soon - I quite agree, throwing up is no fun at all.

KittyB said...

Noooo, it was a bug. Hangovers don't make you shiver. 3-between-5 can't possibly make you that ill. 3 all-alone maybe, but not three fifths.
I hope you had someone to hold your hair back and feel sorry for you. No? I never do either, oh I do so yearn for the old days when girlfriends looked after each other at the sick bowl.

Pondside said...

.........or food poisoning. Did you eat anything with the wine? Absolutely not a hangover (as I join all the others in granting absolution!)

Faith said...

How horrible for you. I hate being sick but no doubt you've thrown it all out of your system by now! Hope you feel better soon.

Edward said...

I can attest that Milla doesn't do "ill". When I have a cold (not, please, a "man cold" - I've only had flu once, at school, and I know the difference) she scarcely notices, except sometimes to ask me to stop sniffing. I think she thought she was hungover because I was - I'd joined this gathering rather late in the day (or night) and proceeded to drink nearly two bottles of wine straight off. I felt wretched the next day, but wasn't sick and felt better after a run. So we both felt horrid, but I didn't have a bug. I'm going to stop now because this is a totally incoherent comment.

Potty Mummy said...

Definitely a bug, Milla. A special one, that lives inside the cork of wine bottles. Strangely, it only affects mothers drinking together gossiping outrageously and having too much fun...

Milla said...

In case anyone doesn't understand why I should count 3 bottles, and then E admits to snarfing into 2, his are red and on sideboard, ours were white and near fridge.

Frances said...

Milla, hoping that you continue to gently resume normal activities. I always love the moment after being really ill when you do get that little glimmer that a corner is about to be turned.

That first safe bit of toast, that first time you can bear anything on television. It is a time for a quiet celebration of recovery.

It is delightful for the rest of us that your recovery has included more writing from you!

xo

nuttycow said...

Personally Milla, I'd blame E for the bug. It's his job, as the man of the house, to save you from all these things such as bugs and hangovers. He failed in his task. He is now on cooking, cleaning and making Milla feel better duties until further notice.

That is all :)

(PS Have a good break over Easter)

elizabethm said...

Oh I do recognise that awful moment of self loathing when you really do have a hangover and know it is self inflicted and Christ you are supposed to be a grown up now. Yours is clearly not a hangover after all. I'm with LBD, three fifths of a bottle is pleasantly squiffy territory, not throwing up and shivering.
Stay in bed and read something nice. Get sons to make you cups of tea.

CAMILLA said...

Dear Milla,

It sounds as if you have the dreaded bug, and not hangover. Please take care that it is not food poisoning though, I had that, it makes you feel rubbish, but one usually has tummy ache with this.

Being sick is horrid, I do hope that you feel much better soon.

Love and hugs,
Camilla.xxx

Frog in the Field said...

Thanks for dropping by my Blog, I think Potty Mummy is cruel and heartless suggesting you drank too much, but hey! I too may feel like that in the morning.

Expatmum said...

I would be more worried about you all getting drunk on just three bottles of white!
Hope you feel better soon, but I had to laugh at the shame and humilation. How old do we have to be to put this behind us? It's not like you were doing your Marilyn Monroe impersonation on the London Underground like erm, a friend of mine used to do.

Elizabethd said...

Oh poor you. Feel better soon.

Zoë said...

Yuck! Get well soon! xx

snailbeachshepherdess said...

Sounds like the greenapple quickstep bug that has halved our office staff this week ....I think the rest of us are just waiting for it to happen now...

Suffolkmum said...

Hope you're safely tucked up in bed now and on the mend.

Her on the Hill said...

Hope you're tucked up by now (wish I was!!) and hope you feel better soon. I'm attacking the wine and blogland while I should be packing. Hubby back in a min. Daughter spilt beans on phone. Will be trouble!!
Once thought I had the mother and father of a hangover having thrown up morning after the night before (had to screech to a halt in the car and chuck up in the reservoir on way back from taking girls to bus stop at some ungodly hour!). Felt very guilty. But no, it was a bug. Promise. We had quite an epidemic up here. Be kind to yourself...
xxx

mountainear said...

Definitely a bug and not the wine so no need to feel pangs of guilt as well as a sore tummy.

Please pamper yourself a bit. Perhaps a little Lucozade and a bit of toast.

...remember when you were bought Lucozade as a child - it meant you really were poorly?

Dusty Spider said...

Oh you poor thing! We've had that bug and it is the most awful thing. I was poorly for about a week after the sickness stopped and then caught the most awful cold about two weeks later. I presume because my immune system had been bashed by the bug since I very rarely have a cold. Hope you're feeling much better soon. Love Flick x

Cait O'Connor said...

I have a fear of being sick so I sympathise. Bet it was a bug, there's loads going round here at the moment.
Hope you feel better soon. Rest on that sofa!

KAREN said...

Ugh, you poor thing. Sick is my bete-noir. I cannot stand even the thought of it. Just reading this post made me queasy. My bedside manner reflects this anomoly to the point where anyone displaying symptoms is simply advised, in hearty tones, to 'go and be ill on their own.' This applies to myself as well, of course.

Lane said...

Gawd you make me laugh.
Poor Illa Milla.
Hope you get over the lurgey soon:-)

Maggie May said...

Oh, poor you! Hope you are feeling so much better now!
Unfortunately, I am very prone to these bugs. Probably through working with children, who put their little sticky fingers everywhere, then hold my hand!
Have a great Easter.

the mother of this lot said...

Hope you're feeling better today. Maybe now's not the time to mention Easter eggs.....?

The Country Craft Angel said...

Poor Milla

I have had same said bug for last 7days and feel thoroughly miserable. (although hasten to add hubby is 10 x worse! Hmmm!)

Anyway, be assured it couldn't possibly be a hangover...

Slopes off to read 'Night Nurse'side affects with alcohol...

Take care and rest up

xx

DJ Kirkby said...

Hmmm certaintly doesn't sound as if enough wine was consumed for two of you to be so ill, must be a nasty bug that you somehow both caught at the same time.

A Mother's Place is in the Wrong said...

Poor Milla, have a virtual hug to go with the nasty bug. Hope you feel better soon. Love M xx

ChrisH said...

Sheesh! That's sounds a horrid experience - hope you are better now. As a bonus you described that horrid hungover feeling so well that it has reminded me not to ge absolutely ratted when I finish FTT which, I sincerely hope, will be soon.

Fennie said...

Poor you! I am allowed to sympathise as the same sort of thing happened to me last week. Admittedly, in a rather lower key - no throwing up - but a completely washed out day followed by three further and definitely misfiring days. (I too had blamed wine!) So I think you had a bug, Milla, that sneaked under the radar of your immune system and wasn't zapped in time by the white corpuscles. So, Fennie says eat more fruit! But you were still interesting as always and I'm sure there will be plenty of bored gods looking forward to being on Milla duty.

Sally's Chateau said...

Bad wine, nothing more, perfectly horrid, felt ill reading it, too many memories, feel the need for a little lie down now.

Exmoorjane said...

yeah yeah, blame the wine (I always do).....but darn funny. Sorry! jx

family affairs said...

Thanks for dropping in - that is VERY good news to meet you - I was feeling just as bad as you only a DAY later I note and I always think people who drink too much from time to time and then throw up should stick together - did you fall out of a taxi and nearly break your ankle though? L x

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